Ye Ye is probably smiling above
Witnessing all this brotherly love
He would have wanted this very much
To observe your kisses and gentle touch
He was a brother himself after all
He had brothers and sisters both big and small
I hope he is resting peacefully
Knowing his boys are taking care of his family
Things I used to do with Ye Ye when I was little:
Walking on his back
Massaging his neck
Passive stretching his hamstrings
Going swimming
Going fishing
(Mostly not catching anything)
Going to the driving range
Watching him get frustrated because his swing wouldn’t change
Waking up before sunrise to get nasi lemak
Breakfasts at the local mamak
Sunday morning awakenings to water being splashed on my face in bed
Evenings after dinner observing him stand for ages while he prayed
We went camping in the jungle once as a bonding exercise
I remember we cooked a fish and then dropped it in the mud
He used to proudly recount about how I conversed with all the grown ups
That was really nice.
In an argument Dad used to say,
“One ear in, one ear out!”
I used to shake my head
Maybe I already sensed that the words misled
Maybe also because I saw with my own eyes
that Dad didn’t really listen to his advice
He’d turn to me with a wry smile
only after he’d turn down his own dial
But dad was aware of the speciousness of his words
For when we were alone and could not be heard
He’d admit he knew when he was wrong
(and that sometimes he’d known it all along)
Dad said Gong Gong had taught him this
But I think that the real point is
that I don’t think they were saying not to listen
But to know when to be quiet in a conversation
And not to escalate during a conflict
When two people are hurting
it matters not the verdict
This is what we learn from Ye Ye’s lesson.
Yesterday,
During Uncle Calvin and Aunty River‘s wedding
An old friend from school and I were talking
Lou Por,
He referred mid conversation
to his wife who was sitting just adjacent
I paused for just a moment
…
As Ye Ye used to call Ma Ma by that name
A sound bite from the deep recesses of my brain
One that is still replaying
Again and again
Ye Ye is gone
But I’ve had another dream about him
In the dream he wasn’t stick thin
He was lively and vibrant, chatting away
We were having breakfast at home
Just a regular day
But something felt strange
I just had to know
Dad, for twenty days you’ve not changed
your red polo?
I don’t remember what happened after
It was dark in the room but I could still hear his laughter
Poems for My Sons 