On my shoulders I will carry you
As long as I am able to
But walk, whenever you should
It will give you strength and do you good
And run! When that’s what your spirit feels
Heart racing, lungs bursting, up the steepest of hills
I will be around if you trip and falter
Around always until I am no longer
Things I used to do with Ye Ye when I was little:
Walking on his back
Massaging his neck
Passive stretching his hamstrings
Going swimming
Going fishing
(Mostly not catching anything)
Going to the driving range
Watching him get frustrated because his swing wouldn’t change
Waking up before sunrise to get nasi lemak
Breakfasts at the local mamak
Sunday morning awakenings to water being splashed on my face in bed
Evenings after dinner observing him stand for ages while he prayed
We went camping in the jungle once as a bonding exercise
I remember we cooked a fish and then dropped it in the mud
He used to proudly recount about how I conversed with all the grown ups
That was really nice.
I love putting sunscreen on my son
It’s one of my favourite things to get done
I love getting up real close
Seeing the wrinkles on his toes
His eyes closed,
I like to take my time
Watch his skin begin to shine
Shining like his spirit within
Shine like the aura surrounding him
Today he asked me if he could
Put the sunscreen on all by himself
I said sure but take care of your eyes
(The tears later were no surprise)
Hopefully tomorrow he’ll let me do it
Fingers crossed there won’t be a fit
I’ll smother him until he glistens
There’ll probably be a few “please listen!”’s
Maybe even end up in a row
All right! Okay! All done now!
In an argument Dad used to say,
“One ear in, one ear out!”
I used to shake my head
Maybe I already sensed that the words misled
Maybe also because I saw with my own eyes
that Dad didn’t really listen to his advice
He’d turn to me with a wry smile
only after he’d turn down his own dial
But dad was aware of the speciousness of his words
For when we were alone and could not be heard
He’d admit he knew when he was wrong
(and that sometimes he’d known it all along)
Dad said Gong Gong had taught him this
But I think that the real point is
that I don’t think they were saying not to listen
But to know when to be quiet in a conversation
And not to escalate during a conflict
When two people are hurting
it matters not the verdict
This is what we learn from Ye Ye’s lesson.
Poems for My Sons 